Wednesday, December 27, 2017

When the Silence is Deafening

Every time I turn around there is more bad news.

I always try to be positive in my posts, but this one will be different.
We are discouraged.  We feel defeated.  We are depleted of our enthusiasm to adopt.
Right now adoption stinks.  Right now we would punch in the face anyone who came up to us saying "Awww, you are adopting?  I'd like to do that some day.  It would be fun!"
It's not fun. It's the farthest thing from fun.  Adoption is torture on your heart.  It is a wrestling within to fight the voices without saying "Why are you putting yourself through this?  Why add another child?  Aren't you already too busy?  You should be doing other things with your time.  Spend your money on something else."  The comments go on and on.  It is a struggle to fight tooth and nail for a child, working against government red tape, regulations, very high expenses, and paperwork that goes on for miles to bring them home.
I know we are near the finish line.  But this is that last short leg of the marathon of 3 years when we're gasping for air, have an injured, overworked heart, and are looking around for someone to resuscitate us, just so we can crawl across the finish line to get our daughter.
We battle anger.  The delay from the embassy was not called for.  It can not be justified.  The embassy has done this as a political reaction to a campaign to expose corruption in China.  It is not corruption to have a little girl wait for 3 years to be adopted an have a medical report considered outdated.  It's not her fault. It's not our fault.  We will take her without an updated medical file.  She's going to get a doctor visit as soon as we return home anyway.  It's not fair to her or us.
We battle trusting God.  He allowed this to happen.  I try to stay strong for our kids on the outside but they see my tears too.  They ask "Why does God let this happen?" I answer in my most theological voice "Because He only gives us His best, and His best is still coming.  Getting her on Christmas Day wasn't the best, so we should be excited that what is coming is even better".
But sometimes those words feel so empty.
Our hearts are tired.  Our bodies are weak.  We dread looking at Facebook posts giving more negative news like delays with travel because of the upcoming Chinese New Year.  So once we are finally approved to travel, we likely will still have to wait several weeks.
This period was not expected.  This "stage" in the adoption process didn't exist before.  And those of us caught up in this political campaign are left with no answers, no time line, no help to get things moving.  The wait for families with this delay can be 3 weeks minimum.  Ours is already longer.  The maximum has been 100 days.  All to prove a point in a corruption campaign against China.
Lottie's updated medical report was requested either on December 7th or the week before.  It still has not been turned in to the Beijing office to be translated and then forwarded on to the Embassy for a review.  Translation may take 2 weeks waiting, the Embassy may take about a week, and then Travel Approval will come about a week after that.  We may have to wait 3 or 4 weeks to travel instead of one week like previously hoped.  But none of this time line will happen until her medical report arrives in Beijing.  We have no communication with her orphanage and no explanation why it is taking them so long to take her to the hospital for a physical and required blood tests.
Please pray for us.  Please don't condemn us or judge us for not having enough faith.  Please don't try to put yourself in our shoes.  You can't understand unless you've been there.  Our pain is not the same pain as the death of someone, it is not the pain of having cancer, it is not the pain of missing a child who is away from home.  The longing for a child you have been stripped of at the last moment, unjustifiably, of the ability to get after a three year wait, when it was going to be Christmas Day, can not be described in words.
We are starting back homeschool today without her.  When we began our spring semester she was supposed to be scribbling in a coloring book and playing with play dough as we worked.  But her chair is empty.  It hurts.  It enrages me.  It makes me want to cry bitter tears and punch the daylights out of the embassy official who had the power to do this to prove a point.
I hate the sin that caused this.  And after this is over, we will not be silent any longer.  When our daughter is safely home, away from any government official who can flex their power muscle and keep a child from their parents, we will make our voice heard.  This never should happen again. Not like this.  Not at the expense of the families trying to be completed and orphans redeemed and rescued.  The US Embassy messed with the wrong parents.
When Lottie is home, we invite you to join us in an outcry.  I will give more details after our adoption is complete.  We can't get her home sooner, but we work to prevent it from happening again.

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