Through the entire adoption process, we've never gone so long without movement. Our agency has been wonderful to immediately reply to our anxious questions, but we never get a clear answer simply because there isn't one available to us. The latest information we received today was that in the next few weeks we will be "in the radar" for being matched with our daughter. It has been almost one month since the wait for a match began.
I have made a list of lessons I've learned through this process.
1. I am a control FREAK (and that's an understatement). While in missionary training, we took a personality test. I tested so high in the category for being scheduled, structured, and planned, that they used me as an example in front of the hundreds who took the test with me! How I thrived serving in countries where nothing goes by a clock and it is always to be done tomorrow I'll never understand. I want it on the day and time it's written on my calendar! However, God sometimes likes messes. He likes to shake us up a bit and see if we'll let go of our control over our lives and trust Him for once. This is an excellent test for me to experience so He can strengthen this weakness of mine.
2. God is still there. He has not forgotten us. He still listens and answers our daily prayers for Mei Mei's well being and nurture in the orphanage. He still understands my anxiety and Kris' sorrow. He hears the pleads of our boys for their sister to come home soon to them. He will never leave us or forsake us no matter how things appear.
3. God is still working. There is so much going on that we have no idea about. He is preparing us. He is preparing Mei Mei. He is working out his perfect timing in His sovereign plan. He has predestined the moment that Mei Mei will enter our arms and our home and knows how to perfectly orchestrate it for His glory. He is so much wiser than us.
4. God can be trusted. He has always been faithful to us. He always keeps His promises.
5. God's love is immeasurable and constant. In good times, in happy moments, in milestones and successes, we feel that immense love. However, we should also know His love is just as strong for us in disappointments, losses, delays and heartaches.
6. God wants glory. That is who He is. He doesn't want the world to think we did this on our own. He is selfish for honor and praise to go to Him alone. He deserves it and He's worthy of it.
Ephesians 1:4-5: Even as He chose us in Him before the foundations of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to His purpose and will.
This passage speaks of salvation, and God's unique plan for each of us who are believers in His Son. It shows that God has had a plan from the beginning. Nothing takes Him by surprise and nothing happens without Him already knowing about it. He has predestined our daughter to be grafted into our family, and He knows exactly when that will come to fruition. That knowledge should always keep my heart at peace and give great comfort. (and I know I'm making all the Calvinists out there very happy by saying that!)
Thank you so much for your continued prayers and words of encouragement. A few of you have apologized for asking about how things are going because you didn't want to stir up emotions from Kris or I. You aren't! You are showing us that you are acknowledging that Mei Mei is still in the process of coming home and it warms our hearts to know that.
7. One last lesson. I love my daughter. I love her so much I will wait for her even though it aches my heart and I miss her so much without even having met her. Kris put it plainly when sharing at our church "This process feels like I'm getting open heart surgery without anesthesia". May God receive the glory!