Monday, February 27, 2012

The Peace of God

I have been really struggling. Who would think that adopting at least 2 girls of another race or ethnicity anywhere from birth to 5 years old would be a huge challenge? We have hit so many roadblocks already, and I physically have been falling apart. The stress of acclimating back to American life accompanied by lack of sleep due to jet lag, resuming homeschool and trying to get my kids adjusted to structured learning again, and looking for an agency, country, and program all at the same time has dragged me down. I have been sick with a cold, but it doesn't feel like a cold, it feels like Mono!
Last night was our first night of revival at our church. The sermon was about God's peace. The speaker said God directly laid it on his heart to preach this message (despite his plans to preach something else) because he knew someone in the congregation needed to hear it. With a crowd of 600 or so people, who would think it would be me? It was. I was sobbing, bawling and apparently making a scene because a little girl was staring me down as I came up the aisle. But I laid it all at His feet: the frustration over not having the answers yet, the fear of the unknown in what could be a long process, the anger at the friend-recommended agencies who have left us hanging with no assistance, and the impatience- ohhh, that is a big one! I felt what was like a load come off of me as I cried out to God on that altar. I needed peace so badly. I came home, prepared for homeschool, and went to bed. When I woke up this morning, my "cold" was gone! A chance event- no way. God's answer to prayer-definitely. Kris and I have been on the phone with a total of six more agencies today and are a little closer. Every phone call and email gets our girls a little closer to coming home. I'm not anxious now- I have God's peace. He knows exactly what He's doing, and I need to come to him with every question, doubt, and hope knowing He is listening, answering, and providing everything we need along this long journey to completing our family.

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