Last night was our first night of revival at our church. The sermon was about God's peace. The speaker said God directly laid it on his heart to preach this message (despite his plans to preach something else) because he knew someone in the congregation needed to hear it. With a crowd of 600 or so people, who would think it would be me? It was. I was sobbing, bawling and apparently making a scene because a little girl was staring me down as I came up the aisle. But I laid it all at His feet: the frustration over not having the answers yet, the fear of the unknown in what could be a long process, the anger at the friend-recommended agencies who have left us hanging with no assistance, and the impatience- ohhh, that is a big one! I felt what was like a load come off of me as I cried out to God on that altar. I needed peace so badly. I came home, prepared for homeschool, and went to bed. When I woke up this morning, my "cold" was gone! A chance event- no way. God's answer to prayer-definitely. Kris and I have been on the phone with a total of six more agencies today and are a little closer. Every phone call and email gets our girls a little closer to coming home. I'm not anxious now- I have God's peace. He knows exactly what He's doing, and I need to come to him with every question, doubt, and hope knowing He is listening, answering, and providing everything we need along this long journey to completing our family.
Monday, February 27, 2012
I have been really struggling. Who would think that adopting at least 2 girls of another race or ethnicity anywhere from birth to 5 years old would be a huge challenge? We have hit so many roadblocks already, and I physically have been falling apart. The stress of acclimating back to American life accompanied by lack of sleep due to jet lag, resuming homeschool and trying to get my kids adjusted to structured learning again, and looking for an agency, country, and program all at the same time has dragged me down. I have been sick with a cold, but it doesn't feel like a cold, it feels like Mono!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
We are just realizing how complicated and frustrating picking a country and agency can be! Phone calls, email, surfing dozens of web sites, asking friends who have been where we've been recently....It's enough to drive one insane! I have spent multiple hours online looking at options, viewing pictures of children, and shedding tears. I have been on the phone with three agencies in the last 3 days. Kris reminded me today as I cried after looking at a video of a little Chinese girl with club feet dancing and singing "Don't get too attached". I just want all of them to come home with us! We long for God's direction and peace right now, as there are still so many unanswered questions. Will we "know" when we see a photo? Will we "know" when all the figures and requirements add up? Will we "know" when we pray and God moves us to fill out that formal application and jump in? Will we be kept in the dark for months (or dreaded years) until our faith is much stronger and we get on the plane to get matched and meet our children? I'm excited, anxious, hopeful, and already in love with our kids. They are out there, I know it.
Friday, February 17, 2012
So what was is about the book "Orphanology" that moved us so quickly to pursue adoption? David Platt writes in the forward: "By God's grace, we have been adopted into his family, to know Him as Father and enjoy Him as friend". Adoption is an expression in our lives of the Gospel in our hearts! That is why we don't want to adopt a child that looks like us. We want everyone around to see that this child is obviously chosen by our family to be a part of us, grafted in by the beautiful act of adoption, just as Christ has chosen us and brought us into His family.
We were reminded while reading this book that God weaves the Gospel and adoption together. God has shown His love to us as the Father by giving us Christ. He found us in our hopeless state, lonely and without mercy, and took us up to be members of His family. One of the clearest displays of the Gospel in our lives is when Christians extend a merciful hand to needy children, and bring them into their families.
When people see our family, I want them to see a picture of God's mercy. I want them to be a physical representation of what God has done spiritually in our lives. I want my kids' stories to scream out redemption, mercy, and hope both in their family story and their spiritual story!